


even x sonja | the bits we didn't see

by WritenStuff



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Ableism, Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Break Up, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 21:10:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9289739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritenStuff/pseuds/WritenStuff
Summary: With Isak's taste still upon his lips, Even knows it's time to say goodbye to Sonja. He knows what he wants now. More than that, he knows what he needs.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I felt cheated out of Even's interactions with Sonja and wanted to know how those went down. So I decided to write my own version. 
> 
> This fic will be 4 chapters. In chapter one we see Even and Sonja's first break up when he arrives home after spending most of the weekend with Isak after the pool scene.
> 
> I'd like to say that although things are rough with Sonja in this first chapter, please try and put yourself in her shoes too. I'm not excusing anything she says but my intention also isn't to demonise her. We all slip into ugliness when we're in pain. 
> 
> I'd also like to say I made a joke on Tumblr that my headcanon is that Even broke up with Sonja using lyrics from High School Musical's 'Gotta Go My Own Way'. I decided to incorporate that but with some artistic licence. Enjoy!
> 
> Edit: I'm also aware that Even tells Isak that he and Sonja decided to 'take a break' rather than break up and therefore this may not be canon compliant but that concept would have been a lot less fun to write. Plus I'm going to spin it that Even just didn't want to put too much pressure on Isak and 'a break' sounds like less of a big deal.

Even's hand rested on the handle of the door to his bedroom. He took a deep, fortifying breath as he prepared to enter. He knew she'd be in there. He knew she probably figured what was coming but it didn't make it any easier. This any easier. His free hand sifted through the silky strands of his golden hair and he shook out the tension in his shoulders before opening the door. Even walked into his room and glanced up at his tall bed. There she was, sitting at the top of the ladder, her feet resting on one of the rungs. It wasn't unusual for him to find her there. They'd been together long enough for her to come and go as she pleased. His family loved her and in a way he did too. That's why this was so hard.

“Halla, Sonja,” Even said, a tight smile then forming on his full, chapped lips. He knew it didn't reach his eyes but there was no point pretending. He'd been doing too much of that lately and he was tired.

Sonja's features were laced fear but determination. It wasn't like they hadn't been here before. Four years was quite a stretch for kids their age. It hadn't been without it's ups and downs but this time was different. This time he wasn't breaking it off just for her. It was for him. It was for Isak. The boy that taught him about alternative universes and the boy he wanted to be with in all of them.

A moment passed where they just stared at each other. Even knew he needed to rip off the band aid but this shit was difficult. He was about to speak when Sonja broke the silence instead.

“Where have you been? I've been trying to get in contact with you. You fucking left me and then I didn't hear from you all weekend. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?” Sonja said, her hands clenching as if ready for a fight. She jumped down from Even's bed and stalked towards him. “I was so mad. So mad. But then I couldn't even let myself be mad because then I was scared. You've been drinking. You've been smoking. That kid has no idea how to look after you or what you need and all I could think was what if something has gone wron-”

Even wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her to him. Underneath his skin prickled with irritation but deep down he knew this all came from a good place. The line between caring and controlling was a blurred one at times but ultimately Even knew that Sonja loved him. She loved him and he was about to break her heart into pieces. The least he could do was give her this, even if she didn't really know what this was. To her this hug was probably a sorry. To Even it was goodbye.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” Even whispered into her hair over and over. Sonja's arms came up to hug him back. Her hands fisted in the back of his jacket, like she was clinging to this moment. The truth was he was slipping through her fingers like sand and they both knew it.

Even's hands moved to Sonja's shoulders and he set her back from him a bit, breaking the hug. He had to put some distance between them if he was ever going to get out what he needed to say. She looked up at him and he could tell she was almost bracing herself for the whip crack of his words against her heart.

“We need to talk.”

Even had no more than uttered the four words when Sonja spun away from him, unable to watch him form the sentences that would end her.

“Don't,” Sonja said weakly. Weak wasn't a word he'd often associate with her and Even hated that he was the one that had made it so. She was strong. She was solid ground when everything else was crumbling around him. She was his warm blanket when everything was freezing over. Sonja was home.

But then, not really. Sure, she was comfort. Familiarity. She was where he felt he should be but not where he wanted to be. Or even needed to be. The four walls he was expected to be grateful for even though at times he felt like there was bars on the windows and a lock on the door. Love shouldn't feel like an obligation. Even knew they both deserved better.

“Sonja... listen. I've got to say what's on my mind,” Even said as he rested his hand on Sonja's shoulder and gripped lightly. His other hand combed through his hair. “Something about us just doesn't feel right these days.”

Sonja's shoulders sank under his touch and her head hung low. Defeated. Even curled his arms around her shoulders instead and pulled her back to his front. They'd always been tactile. Touch had always been their anchor. They'd always been each other's anchor. How befitting that their relationship now felt like being held under water.

“This isn't easy for me either but I've got to do what's best for me. For us. You'll be okay,” Even forced the words from his throat, his Adam's apple bobbing with emotion. He felt Sonja's chest heave against his forearms and knew she was crying. Tears dripped from her cheeks and soaked into the sleeves of his jacket. Sonja raised a hand to wipe some away. She didn't like him seeing her cry, even with her back still to him.

“It's been four years. Four years of growing up and I can't help bur feel like we've also grown apart. It's time to move on. I've got to move on and be who I am and so do you. I just don't belong here, like this. Do you understand?” Even was almost pleading with her to understand as he spoke. He wanted her to understand. Agree. See that this was what was best for both of them.

“I hope we find our place as friends someday but at least for now, we have to go our own ways.”

Sonja suddenly pulled out of Even's embrace and turned on him. Defeat had been replaced with anger and it was written all over her beautiful features. Her hand shoved through her hair roughly, pushing her fringe off her forehead. “What about us? What about everything we've been through?” she spat the words at him angrily. “Everything I stood by you through. And you're going to leave me-” She stopped for a moment and clocked the guilty expression on Even's face. No matter how much he believed this was the right thing it didn't stop him from feeling bad.

“Is it because of him?” she asked, the realisation dawning on her that maybe this wasn't just about them. Maybe there was a third party. There was a reason he'd been dodging her calls. A reason other than avoiding this. He was busy. Busy with someone else.

“You know I never wanted to hurt you.” Even replied, avoiding a straight answer but the answer he gave was enough. It said everything.

The anger portrayed in her features bled from her as ice replaced it in her veins. Sonja wiped away a single tear from her cheek with the back of her wrist as she took a fortifying breath. She wasn't going to lose her cool. Embarrass herself.

“Fine, Even. Have it your way. Be with him.” Sonja watched as surprise formed on Even's face. He'd expected her to plead and beg. He thought she'd try to reason with him. Maybe scream and stomp her foot. Put her fingers in her ears and refuse to let him go. Not this time. She was done.

Sonja made for the door, stopping as she reached it and looked over her shoulder to deliver a few last parting lines, “You know he won't get it.” At that Even's mouth fell open and that's when she knew he hadn't divulged that little bit of information to Isak. Uncertainty was written all over Even's face and after being so careful with him for so long – treating him with kid gloves – she couldn't help but drive the knife on home. Make him feel that tiniest bit of what she'd felt.

“You know, when you finally pluck up the courage to be honest with him – even though that seems to be difficult for you these days – don't come crawling back to me when he doesn't want you anymore. I won't be around to pick up the piece. Not this time.”

Even had never seen her like this before. Her face contorted as the words spilled from her lips like venom. They crept under his skin and wrapped themselves around the doubt that had already formed in his gut. Could Isak accept him? Would he understand? Isak was still learning to accept himself. He wasn't there yet. He wasn't even out of the closet, too scared of what others might think. He kept such a tight lid on himself – would he worry that he couldn't trust Even to do the same? These were probably all things they could straighten out if Even was honest with him but he wasn't ready to risk losing Isak yet. He just needed a little more time.

“I'm going to tell him,” he said weakly, non-committally. Even's arms wrapped around himself as if to protect him from any more of her harsh words. Perhaps from the reality of them too.

“Yeah, I'm sure,” Sonja replied with an air of sarcasm. “Just be sure to tell him not to come to me for advice when you do something crazy or when you won't eat or can't get out of bed. When you want to-” she stopped herself from finishing that last sentence but it hung heavily in the air between them. They both knew where she was going with it.

Even just stared at her and Sonja stared right back. She'd been leaving but for some reason couldn't bring herself to. Well, not for some reason. She knew the reason – because once she walked out that door it was over. This conversation was the only tether she had to the four years she'd spent with him and she wasn't ready to give it up yet.

A moment passed before a frustrated noise sounded deep in Sonja's throat as she marched across the distance between them. Sonja enveloped Even in her arms. He was so taken aback that he didn't have time to unwrap his arms from around himself and hug her back, so he just stood there with his now ex girlfriend clinging to him. He closed his eyes as the finality of the moment swept over him.

“Take care,” she whispered into the fabric of his coat that her face was buried into. Her voice was muffled but he could still make out the soft request. A few seconds later she was gone and Even was left standing alone in the middle of his room. Bewildered.

He'd done the right thing. He was sure he had done the right thing. So why did he feel so lost or like the ground had fallen out from under him. Even reached out a hand and gripped the frame of his bed, his nails digging at the stained wood. Where did he go from here?

The reality was that in the past when he needed advice – or basically anything – he went to Sonja. Who did he go to now? He had other friends, sure, but they weren't the type of friends he could unload this on and what's more they were also Sonja's friends. Being with someone four years didn't leave you with much other than mutuals. He'd had Mikael but that bridge had long since been burned. Maybe it wouldn't have if he'd have had the courage to do this sooner but he couldn't think like that. If things had played out any differently he wouldn't have Isak and that's all he wanted in the world right now. It's how things were supposed to be, he could feel that in his bones. Had known it from day one.

With that in mind, Even knew there was only one course of action. He had to tell Isak. He had to trust that he could be honest with him, be open with him. That was the only way a relationship was going to work between them.

“He'll understand,” Even whispered into the empty room. “He has to...”


End file.
